Survivors of sexual assault may have a range of emotional, physical, and mental reactions to the trauma of being sexually assaulted, including not having any reaction at all. It is imperative to understand that each survivor will respond and react to the trauma in a different way. Regardless of how long ago the assault was committed, survivors of sexual assault may experience some of the following:
Fear
Anger
Sadness
Rage
Guilt
Embarrasment
Depression
Helplessness
Isolation
Tension or anxiety
Numbness
Confusion
Denial
Hypervigilance
Inability to concentrate
Intrusive memories of the assault
Change in eating and/or sleeping habits
Increased alcohol consumption or the use of substances as a coping mechanism
Avoidance of loved ones or activities that were enjoyable prior to the assault
Lack of trust
Need to regain control
Nightmares or flashbacks of the incident
Insomnia
Increase or decrease in sexual activity
Low self-esteem
Extreme paranoia
Suicidal thoughts
The need to escape or forget
Anxiety
Trouble breathing
Panic attacks
Other symptoms such as: nausea, diarrhea, muscle-tension, headaches, gynecological problems
These are just a few of the reactions a person may have. They are not unique to sexual assault; anyone in crisis may show some of these behaviors. As a friend, you are a good judge of what emotions and behaviors are common for your friend. If your friend begins to act in an atypical manner for no apparent reason, don’t be afraid to ask directly what is wrong. You may be the first person to respond to your friend’s problem and, for a victim of sexual assault, this is the starting point of recovery.
Whatever the status and make-up of the relationship, there are feelings and reactions commonly experienced by the significant other of someone who has survived sexual assault. You are not alone.
As a partner, you may find yourself confused about sexual assault and wonder if and how it could have been prevented.
You might find it difficult to listen when your partner wishes to talk about certain aspects of the assault. You may find yourself wishing it could just go away.
You might be hesitant to let others know about the assault for fear of how they may react to you or your partner.
You may experience feelings of guilt or responsibility, believing that somehow you could have prevented the assault.
It is not uncommon to feel anger at your partner and at others around you, or to harbor a need for revenge against the assailant.
You might also be unsure about how to approach the issue of physical intimacy with your partner.
All of these feelings are understandable when someone you care about has been sexually assaulted.
The important thing to remember is that these feelings need to be recognized and addressed by both you and your partner, so as not to create further distress in an already traumatic situation. Stoner Health & Counseling Center can help. For more information or to schedule an appointment, please call (419)448-2041.
There is no prescribed method of healing from sexual assault because each person's experience will vary. Healing takes time and begins with compassionate support from loved ones and friends. Here are some strategies that you may find useful in helping your friend recover from sexual trauma.
Believe your partner or friend. Studies have shown that the reaction of the first person to whom a survivor discloses his or her story, whether positive or negative, will affect the way in which healing occurs. Believing your friend without question or hesitation is the most important thing you can do for support.
Be there. Listen non-judgmentally. It is a natural response to analyze and question when someone tells us a story. However, active listening skills teach us to talk less and listen more. Never question a survivor's actions, details of the assault, or why your friend feels the way he or she does. If you are having difficulty understanding what your friend is saying, try to clarify by paraphrasing what you do understand. In addition, you can reflect back to the person the feelings you have heard him/her share to ensure that you are not assuming your friend's feelings reflect your own beliefs or judgments.
Assure your partner or friend that it is not his or her fault and that he or she is not to blame for the assault in any way. Survivors of sexual assault often blame themselves for what has happened. It is important that we help them understand that--no matter what happened--it was not their fault.
Assure your partner or friend they are not alone. Survivors of sexual assault often feel isolated, scared, and powerless. You can be the most helpful just by being there. Your presence can reassure the survivor and allow him or her to work out his/her feelings in a safe environment.
Empower your partner or friend. Because rape and other types of sexual assault are crimes that take away an individual’s power, it is important not to compound this experience by putting pressure on your loved one to do things that he or she is not yet ready to do. Remember, it is always up to the survivor to make choices that will affect the healing process. Providing your friend with resources and options will help him or her regain the control that was lost.
If your loved one is willing to seek medical attention or report the assault, offer to accompany him or her wherever he/she needs to go (health center, police station, etc.).
Actions and phrases to avoid when helping a survivor of sexual assault:
No more violence! We often want to respond to violence with aggressive action. This is not helpful for your friend who has been assaulted and it could make things worse.
